Silentshipping's Cry for Help
by Sakura Takanouchi
Summary: So you want to hook up Seto Kaiba with Serenity Wheeler but you don’t know how? No worries! Just follow our guide to learn how to write using these recycled clichés and examples! Co-written with Kako
1. How else would it happen?

Silentshipping's Cry for Help

By Sakura Takanouchi and Kako

Summary: So you want to hook up Seto Kaiba with Serenity Wheeler but you don't know how? No worries! Just follow our guide to learn how to write using these recycled clichés and examples! Co-written with Kako

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Sakura Takanouchi: Plot bunnies are mysterious creatures... This is basically a parody on how formulaic all romances really are. We don't own Yu-gi-oh!, any pop culture references or Jane Austen books. We just own our respective stories, which are all fair play in this massacre of Seto Kaiba's characterization…

Kako: Characterization? Did we need that? I'm pretty sure it got thrown out the window…on the first floor…which wouldn't hurt it much.

ST: Yeah, characterization's pretty springy. It can hold up to a lot.

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**Chapter One: How else would it happen?**

* * *

So you want to hook up Domino's most eligible bachelor. Don't we all? I mean, he is THE Seto Kaiba after all. Just for reference, in this guide we're using the lovely Serenity Wheeler as the bait for the hook—just because I know this turf and what's been disastrously overused, and using myself wouldn't have been good for the publicity. But practice makes perfect, yes? But for good romance, you must have conflict! Now, to get our two unsuspecting lovebirds together… let's start with the dramatic entrance, shall we?

_Joey could barely contain his excitement. "So you're at the train station now? Completely out-of-the blue you're going to live with me? How convenient that I live in a 2-bedroom apartment! …Well, for my wardrobe. A walk-in closet? Get it? Well, anyways, 'Ren, just let me plan a welcome party and I'll come and get you right away!"_

Notice the typical Joey Wheeler happy-go-lucky attitude and ill-timed jokes. Also, make sure to butcher Serenity's name to make it sound like she's a bird as often as possible. And remember the extra space for Joey's strangely monotonous clothing. That or for hair gel, your choice. Now to the party:

This is very important. There is ALWAYS a party.

"_Hey, guys, I'd like you to meet my baby sister, Serenity."_

_Everyone looks up to the strategically placed staircase where Serenity descends majestically. Insert painstaking physical description of entrance here. Everyone in the room was stunned by her apparent beauty. It all came to a screeching halt once Serenity herself heard her oaf of a brother._

"…_The hell did you just call me? Joey, you oaf! If being one year younger than you makes me a baby, then you're a toddler!"_

Please take note of the use of Serenity Character Archetype B. For your reference, there is a reference below:

Serenity Character Archetype A: The meek, polite Serenity. Also known as 'In-character Serenity.' Better known as 'Serenity the doormat.' Frequently bows to others and will always take her brother's side. This Serenity will usually take a tutor-like role for poor Mokuba. If using S.C.A.A., this plot-line is the way to go.

Serenity Character Archetype B: The firecracker wisecracking Serenity. Also known as 'Really? It's Serenity? Serenity.' Better known as 'Interesting Serenity.' More like her brother but more refined to appeal to THE Seto Kaiba. S.C.A.B. (HA!) is known for being funny and charming mostly, but doesn't take any nonsense from nobody, especially not from Mr. Kaiba.

Most stories are constructed using either Archetype A or B, or a mixture of both. I prefer the mix--gives you more options so you can decide whether to stay in character or not.

_Serenity's well-aimed punch at her brother's shoulder was interrupted by a dramatic _whoosh_! As the doors to wherever in this plot-hole they were opened, the silhouette of the brothers Kaiba were shown. "I was hoping to put the dog in his place, but it seems like someone beat me to it," Kaiba's baritone voice echoed throughout the room. Joey's eyes narrowed. _

Also, note the mixings of several different tenses and multiple grammatical errors. This is completely intentional, and absolutely necessary if you aspire to create the ultimate "Let's pair off Seto!!11!" fanfic.

"_I didn't invite you to this party, moneybags," Joey continued._

"_I did, Joey!" Yugi piped up. "I promised him a rematch if he'd show up and stay for the whole scene." Joey whined, but Serenity was entranced by the mystique of this mysterious man in front of her. Perhaps, for the plot's sake, Serenity B. was raised in a convent. "Why are you calling him that? Doesn't he have a name?"_

Now back to Seto! Our hero had suddenly developed a bout of Character-flu which had suddenly made him want to introduce himself to this rather stunning-looking girl in front of him. You could just hear the cogs coming to life in his brain.

POV SWITCH SETO KAIBA TIME! (This is crucial)

_'Hmm…maybe it's not Maybelline…'_

POV SWITCH END SETO KAIBA TIME! (Absolutely necessary to storyline)

_"Why I'm THE Seto Kaiba," the smooth guy said, taking Serenity's hand in his. "I'm surprised you haven't heard of me."_

_"I was raised in a convent," she replied simply. "And I have a tragic past—blinded and everything." _

Just then, the realization dawned on our two tragic heroes. Duh duh duuuuuh! Mutual attraction alert! Kaiba lost himself in her dreamy caramel/espresso/forest green eyes, while she had to catch her breath to keep from drowning in his "ocean blue pools of liquid desire." Make sure to use this phrase as often as possible, it never gets boring. Also, notice the bad pun/allusion/whatever/words used to describe their magical eye-connection. And the fact that no one really knows Serenity's true eye color, so we usually just make something up. Now for music!

"Blinded by the light…"

No, not that music! We need suspense music, to foreshadow the "realization" moment to come! And yes. The realization moment is always present in any Silentshippin' fiction. You'd think they all get it by now.

_"Come on, Serenity-sister-of-mine, you haven't met Tea yet. You're destined to be best friends forever! BFFs! Like me an' Tristan! Where is that rascal anyways?"_

I guess Character- flu is contagious. It has caused Joey to have bouts of random accents, use slang acronyms, and call Tristan a rascal. But anyways, back to the story:

_"You're related? To the mutt?" Seto stared incredulously at his hand. "Are there any bathrooms in this plot-hole? I think I'm coming down with a case of Character-flu." And with that, Seto stormed out of the room, his trench coat billowing dramatically behind him. Mokuba, following the rule that 'children should be seen and not heard', followed behind with a fan, causing his hair to ruffle attractively and the coat to billow gracefully. _

_"So that's how he does it," Joey said, breaking the dramatic silence. _

So our hostile takeover of Seto Kaiba's emotions is almost complete! We just need a short scene of Seto Kaiba realizing that he may or may not have something that could be described as remotely similar to _feelings_, as well as either an 'angry-Serenity B' or 'wimpy but still slightly ticked off Serenity A' scene. Because Serenity A/B and Seto have to be pitted against each other, or else it's not interesting. Also take note of the tactful way I covered up (in the above paragraph) how I forgot to give Mokuba any purpose in this part of the story. So perhaps he is just that devoted to his brother. He'll call him Jeeves.

_"Jeeves! What's wrong with me?" Seto splashed water from the sink onto his face. What on earth (if that was indeed where they were) possessed him to grasp her hand like that? Did he want to? And she was related to that scum of the Earth! …this is, assuming we're on the Earth._

_"Big brother, let me get you a towel to dry your hands!" Mokuba piped up helpfully, grabbing a dry washcloth from a pile of pristine white ones. _

Now, our hero can do one of several things…okay, many things, but this is a parody, people!

1) Seto can pursue said lovely lady because she is Joey's sweet innocent sister and he wants to aggravate Joey more than usual.

2) Seto is curious about his reaction and decides to 'pursue' her to find out more (this is Seto having HORMONES! Who knew?).

3) He's bored because _Friends_ got taken off the air and he needs something to occupy his time with now.

As we want to fully explore (okay, maul) every possible cliché storyline, let's combine all of our options into one super-option!

"_Jeeves, I just don't get it! Something doesn't feel right about any of this. Fetch me my heart-monitor!"_

_Mokuba grabbed a small microscope-looking thing and Seto yanked it out of his outstretched hands. Holding it up to his chest, a faint shriveled-up looking red thing was visible, twitching rhythmically. "No! It can't be! I gained a size and a half?!" Seto shouted incredulously. "I just measured it at breakfast!"_

_All of this shouting could be heard from the common room where the rest of the cast was loitering around. _

_"See, Serenity! He's probably torturing his brother or something. That Kaiba is a creep. You stay away from him- I don't want to have to go beat him up before I have my first kickboxing class." Joey put a reassuring arm over his little sister's shoulder, who shrugged it off, but was trapped when her other shoulder was dominated by Tristan's arm. Did she look like an armrest to everyone? Don't answer that._

_"That's smart of Joey- but listen; I've been taking kickboxing lessons for _much_ longer than that. Like two whole weeks! I'll protect you- how about starting next Saturday night?" Wow, Tristan was desperate for some lovin'. Let's call him…Hormone! _

_Joey had yanked said loverboy away from his conquest, who looked about ready to kill the next person who touched her (S.C.A.B. alert!). "Where the hell did you come from, Hormone!" Joey shouted, doing his complicated 'secret handshake' with his B.F.F. "And you are not doing any 'protecting' on my watch!" He rolled up a sleeve, with a watch head. Each hour mark had a letter spelling out 'Protect Seren'. "Do you like? I bought it at a kiosk at the mall." _

_Serenity rolled her eyes and started planning her escape as everyone crowded around Joey, admiring his watch. She backed away and found herself in a long and winding corridor. Wondering where it led to and if it would still exist after this particular plot-thread was finished, she wandered down it, unaware of the voices not far away._

You thought I had forgotten about Seto and Mokuba, hadn't you? Well…that's why there's a scene change! Let's return to Seto (the Grinch) and Mokuba (Jeeves) congregating in the bathroom like junior-high-school girls.

_"I need to devise a way to get my heart back to 'normal'!" Seto declared, striking a particularly evil pose while Mokuba stood to the side, directing the fan so it blew Seto's hair around dramatically, even though no one was around to witness the moment. "Now, I suppose I can use this 'Serenity' person to achieve my evil ends," he started, stroking his chin diabolically. "If she truly is 'Serenity-Character-Archetype A, it will certainly be easy enough to use her, and then the Wheeler family will be crushed into the dirt, where they belong! But—I'll have to make sure she really is that lame. This will involve getting close to her- at the same time, I can determine if it is her doing that caused the bloating of my heart." He compulsively checked his heart size again, content that it was slowly going back to normal. _

_"And now that Friends is off the air, you have nothing to do next Friday night," Mokuba suggested. Seto's eyes twinkled with the completion of his evil scheme. _

_"Yes! All things are perfect now. We just need a way to meet with Ms. Wheeler without her brother knowing anything about it. A rendezvous of some sort. A clandestine encounter." Seto ran out of synonyms, so he settled for rubbing his hands together dramatically. The duo then exited the restroom, where our (anti) hero smacked right into the young and gullible Ms. Wheeler. _

_"Oh, Serenity, what are you doing here? …Alone?" Mokuba smacked his head at how creepy his brother sounded, but the action went unnoticed by the girl._

_"Oh…I'm just exploring this plot-hole," she replied easily. _

_"Be honest now, Wheeler," Seto replied imperiously. Being a super-CEO; he knew at once that she was withholding information. "You were trying to get away from your brother and the rest of the happy-friendship-brigade, weren't you?" He chuckled quietly at her slightly abashed expression. This was almost too easy. And he couldn't help but like the way the smallest hint of a blush traced its way across her face—_

WHOA!! Can you believe this garbage? Neither can I, but it happens pretty often. I had to stop that before someone gets ill (_Sakura and Kako are not responsible for any physical illness or harm during the reading of this fanfic_) So… now we arrive to the crux of the chapter—how will Seto manipulate poor Serenity into another encounter? For, as we all should accept as a fact of life, any form of relationship to occur, they need to be thrown together as many times as to make everyone else borderline suspicious! So how on Earth can I do that? Let's go with a spin on an overly-cliché method:

_"I'm surprised that you could see through me so easily," Serenity began again, breaking the awkward silence. Mokuba had long since left, probably to the bathroom to relieve his stomach of all its contents due to the supreme character-butchering happening above._

_"I'm the CEO of Kaiba-Corp," he replied, his eyes registering their shock at that this information had no effect on her at all. How unusual! At the mere mention of his status, girls immediately erupted in 1. Squeals 2. Blushes 3. Hives (but that was just ONCE, okay?) 4. At least SOME positive reaction… but the girl in front of him just looked confused. _

_"You have an army?" She eyed him critically. _

_"Not Corps, its short for Corporation. I'm the CEO of the biggest toy and game company in Domino," the man explained, remarkably patiently for this had to be the first time in recorded history that people just didn't know automatically what Kaiba Corporation was! Anger flared inside him momentarily- why was he associating with this ignorant little girl? She thought he had an army—well, technically no, but if all of his fan-girls banded together, it could be possible. He tucked that tidbit of information away to consider later and turned back to the task at hand. This situation simply had to be remedied. "I can't believe you don't know any of this."_

_"Convent, remember?" She looked miffed at his condescension. Seto was wishing Jeeves was back with his fan so he didn't have to look so intimidating on his own. _

_"Well, if you've never heard of it, you've never seen it. Would you like to visit the KC tower tomorrow? I can arrange it if you like." Stern blue eyes juxtaposed the jubilant "brown" tinted ones that shined in happiness. _

_" Oh thank you! I was hoping to get to know Domino better, this is great! I'll stop by tomorrow at lunchtime, ok?" She bowed her head in thanks, missing the glint in his eyes at her acceptance. "I had better get back to the group, they must have thought I'd been abducted by now." With a friendly smile and goodbye, little Serenity wandered back down the hallway. _

_Seto grinned, an evil, insidious grin. She was coming- although she was annoyingly vague about when that would be. He struck a dramatic victory pose, but faltered mid-pose. Where was Jeeves with the fan and the lightning sheet? He stuck his head into the bathroom, where Jeeves was currently rinsing his mouth out with Listerine._

_"Jeeves!" Seto barked. "Where were you during my dramatic pose? What if someone had been walking by! This is unacceptable!"_

_"Sorry, Seto," Mokuba replied, satisfied that his brother had returned to his "good", "normal", self. "Is it too late to try again?"_

_"The moment ran its course," Seto replied, dismissing the suggestion. "Let's go home, Mokuba."_

_Satisfied that all was forgiven, Mokuba smiled contentedly, and the brothers walked down the long and winding hall arm-in-arm until the moment was shattered, as usual, by Seto-the-tactful:_

_"How the HELL do you get out of here!?"_

_--_

…to be continued…

* * *

So what are the morals of our story? Let's make a list to appear more organized!

Switch back and forth between Serenity Character Archetypes as often as possible for "maximum effect."

It's perfectly okay for characters to appear and disappear with no announcement. Plot-holes have their own unwritten rules, yes?

What grammar? What characterization? What motives? What canon?

If you can dream it, you can write it—but perhaps the quality of the intuition leaves something to be desired.

Always leave them wanting more; a good chapter ending has at least one thing unresolved. Bonus points if you can incorporate The Cliffhanger(TM).

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Kako: If you appreciated our attempt at Silentshipping parody, please leave a review! And what parody would this be if we didn't hawk our other works? So yeah, check out our other Silentshipping pieces. Or not, it's totally your choice. But we'd both be missing out if you didn't.

ST: Kako, what about pimping our community? Subscribe to it please! You can read all of our amazing strategies and plot-devices in action! And of course, we're working diligently on the next chapter—it will be up when you least expect it, cause that's just how we roll.


	2. The Office… no, not that one

Silentshipping's Cry for Help

By Sakura Takanouchi and Kako

Summary: So you want to hook up Seto Kaiba with Serenity Wheeler but you don't know how? No worries! Just follow our guide to learn how to write using these recycled clichés and examples! [Co-written with Kako]

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Sakura Takanouchi: So here we are with the highly anticipated second installation of what we lovingly dub "SC4H!" Let us take a moment to appreciate our reviewers. You guys rule! And I love all the great ideas…there's just so much potential.

Kako: Agreed. Thanks to **Daeth101- Fox version**, **GoddessOfVictory, MaterialGirl69, UnlessAbsolutelyNecessary, dancers of the night, Blueshadows2010, Sakurelle, The Duelist's Heiress**, and **Gvantsa**. Without you, our egos just wouldn't be the same.

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Chapter Two: The Office… no, not that one.

* * *

_There once was a boy. This boy was tall, with dark hair, and a troubled past. He also happened to be a wizard…no, wait, wrong story. The day started for Seto Kaiba like any normal day: he ate his breakfast, checked his heart in his heart-monitor, rescued his brother twice, and oversaw the ironing of his beloved trench-coat, all before leaving for work. _

_Where she would soon be coming to visit him._

_Seto sighed, leaning back in his chair. _Serenity Wheeler. The girl with a noun for a name. That makes her perfect for me! _His heart gave an erratic twitch, and he quickly buried the traitorous thoughts, busying himself in his bowl of oatmeal…brand name cereal…food?_

Welcome back, people. Let's start off this chapter by butchering ourselves some culture, and describing Seto's morning activities. Because we all know how a corporate multi-billionaire starts their day.

_Seto continued eating his cereal. What was that, Count Chocula?_

"_It's Alpha-Bits," Seto sniffed, digging into the frosted goodness._

—_Several Hours Later— _

First, we would like to stress the importance of time jumps. These handy plot devices are wonderful for getting yourself out of a sticky situation or ignoring writing a particularly boring scene. Just write, "X hours later," and for all your readers know, CharacterX simply stared at the wall for that time.

_Seto blinked; he had just suddenly found himself in his KC corner office._

"_Hey, where did that wall go?" He mused. "That color of taupe was surprisingly soothing."_

_Seto turned, his eyebrows narrowing as he noticed Mokuba sitting in _his_ chair, legs kicking as he scribbled away on a crossword puzzle. _

"_Hey, Seto," Mokuba asked, tapping the eraser on the desk. "What's a thirteen-letter phrase for an overused plot device?"_

_Seto frowned for a moment. "Deus ex machina, Mokuba. Hey, why aren't you in school?"_

I think we've heard enough from them for now, haven't you? Now, this chapter is all about the infamous 'solo meeting' of Serenity and Seto! I mean, they have to get to know each other _somewhere_ away from the prying eyes of a brother who seems to have that sort of time on his hands anyways. And what better place than the work…place! I mean, really, the first time this came out it must have been earth-shattering. Oh no, I've chosen to write a story about a CEO who is emotionally attached to his job and absolutely refuses to leave the KaibaCorp building! What should I do?

No worries! Just send someone to him! I mean, it really was genius… the first time. But after that, go find yourself another idea! Or just simply twist a well-known idea until it is indiscernible from the original. How about this: a bleak romance between a weary stress-filled CEO and the poor altruistic girl who is a member of the nightly cleaning staff of KC tower?

Hey, now that actually has some merit! Score! Now nobody take that idea until I can write it out... Now where were we? Ah yes, the story! It's high time our heroine showed up, so without further ado…

_Suddenly Serenity appeared in all her magical goodness in the building's lobby, wondering if she was still dreaming or if her sleepwalking problem had started up again. It took only moments for her to realize where she was, and with some measure of relief, too. _Now I don't have to worry about Joey wondering where I was sneaking off to. Or the fact that I only just got here, and don't know where anything is in this surprisingly metropolitan city that nobody ever talks about.

_Ignoring all of this as simply a passing flurry of reality, she proceeded to question the very busy receptionist, who was also on the phone and typing furiously on her computer keyboard at the same time. "Um, my name is Serenity Wheeler… did Seto Kaiba say he was expecting me?" (Whoa, S.C.A.A. alert!)_

_The Secretary nodded her head towards the rather ordinary-looking elevators behind her, as if encouraging her to go on up. Serenity smiled and thanked the woman who went right back to her multiple tasks. Because there was only one for this notoriously huge building. Wouldn't want that job. _

Now, our parody wouldn't be a parody unless we added a huge, unnecessary description of the spaces that Serenity was looking at. I mean, it makes sense when you think about it… wouldn't someone who used to be blind take notice of everything they see? Well folks, let's steer clear of canon in favor of entertainment™! And, if anyone is really missing out on that pointless description, go check out the story, 'Stranger Things Have Happened.' Just skim through the parts until you get to Mokuba's building.

But that's not what we're here to talk about!

_The elevator gave an off-pitch 'bleep' to signal that the correct floor had been reached. Serenity stepped out, unsure of where to go next. She was in a literal maze of cubicles and pathways with people bustling around, carrying stacks of paper everywhere or engaged in other equally noisy pursuits. _

_So Serenity decided to just wander about until she found his office. 'Really, did these people have any notion of the concept 'Casual Friday'?' Her newfound characterization of Archetype B gave her strength, so when she got to the end of the hallway, nearly colliding with several people in the process, she asked someone stationed at a copier where Seto's office was. _

"_Up," she stated blandly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You blind or something?"_

_Serenity just smiled weakly at the woman, who was now gathering the copied images and rushing off. 'Up…?' _

_Serenity followed the woman's instructions, tilting her head as she wondered just how it was possible to have missed the giant balcony above her, overlooking the workspace as it stretched across the entire width of the floor. Serenity's eyes lingered on Seto's form as he stood near the railing, and it took Serenity only a moment longer to locate the staircase set back against the wall. Looking back up, she frowned slightly upon seeing the room's only decoration, an intimidating poster climbing the length of the adjacent wall, displaying a cheerful Mokuba with an imposing Seto Kaiba standing behind him. A caption in a bold shade of red dominated the bottom. Serenity read the words aloud, even more confused about KaibaCorp's unconventional goings-on. _

"_Big Brother is watching you…?"_

_Climbing up, she discovered a spacious (and tastefully decorated) lounge area, a clear glass balustrade lining the edge of the balcony. Seto stood at its edge, hands grasping the railing as he surveyed the area below him. _

"_Umm… Kaiba?" Serenity ventured, not wanting to startle him out of his trancelike state. Upon hearing her voice, he turned and flashed Serenity a wicked smile. _

HELLO?! He's smiling? Can you say 'ulterior motive?' Rhetorical question, of course.

"_I saw you from up here," he said, completely unaware of how creepy he appeared to the girl. "Do you like this office?"_

"_It's very nice," she admitted. "And everyone moves so fast. It's impressive!" She came closer to him, almost like a curious cat. "How do you do it?"_

"_Simple. They fear me."_

And here, dear minions, err… readers, is where we stress the importance of RESEARCH! But more than that, there is also the element of COMMON SENSE! Now, the layout of Kaiba's office is drastically unrealistic, but you must see, it's refreshing, right? So many stories have the separate office suite or the wood-paneled conference rooms (again, see 'Stranger Things Have Happened' for reference). It's very easy to use research to make the setting more believable, so that the characters may act more convincingly in these settings. Hey, that's what the Internet is for! Now, full speed ahead to the common sense portion of this dialogue. We all know Kaiba's a jerk, but one thing he holds in high importance is money. Do you know how expensive it is to fire people? You would have to pay them, and then pay to train someone else to replace them. And the time that takes costs even more! Even if Seto Kaiba is really a hollow robot filled with greenbacks, he wouldn't just go on a tirade and fire everyone who looked at him funny. He would be smart about it. So, as writers, let's all do the same.

"_I've been wondering," Serenity began, "why did you want me to come here?"_

"_It seems fitting, as your so-called 'friends' could only show you one side of Domino, that I could take it upon myself to show you the other," he explained. Like a gullible little sheep, Serenity nodded. _

"_I would like to see how your company is run, it sounds interesting," she replied with a smile, archetype B lying dormant for the time being. _

_The pair had reached the bottom of the stairs when suddenly a familiar female worker came speed-walking up to them. It was the same person who Serenity had talked to only moments before. "Kaiba," she said, breathless from the exertion, "all the staff are completely on edge! Whatever happened to our gofer? Efficiency rates are down 15% this week!"_

_Seto stopped in his tracks, blinking in carefully concealed surprise. "Shirley is on maternity leave starting this week. As of now, we don't have a gofer."_

_As if his voice was magically magnified, his words echoed around the suddenly and oh-too-convenient silence. Then, the babble of shouting and complaining began._

"_I need my coffee!"_

"_What about these papers! They aren't going to deliver themselves, you know!"_

"_Nooooooooo!"_

_And, in one moment, the seemingly indisputable order collapsed into total and complete chaos. It was noisier than a bunch of middle-earthen men fighting over who was going to handle the one ring. Seto just stood there, waiting for the noise to dissipate when a small voice somehow pierced through the racket. _

"_I'll do it."_

_Now everyone was looking at her (well, except Seto. He was worried that he left his heart monitor at the house). _

"_I'll take the one ring, err, the job." She looked around, uncertainly. "What exactly does a gofer do, anyway?"_

_Chaos erupted once again._

Now this, in case you couldn't tell, is a parody on all of those stories in which Serenity gets a job straight out of high school working as the Vice-Manager of Accounting or as Kaiba's personal shopper or something. Really, does any of that seem plausible when you stop to think about it? From what we have seen of Serenity in the series (ahh, here comes canon to screw us over once more), she is not qualified enough to even be within a mile radius of the KaibaCorp building. But I really think that this job suits her experience level perfectly, don't you agree? It sure makes for hysterical situational irony at least. And if anyone doesn't know what a gofer is, go to your local zoo… naw, just kidding. Go watch 'The Devil Wears Prada,' and change any fashion stuff to business stuff and there you go.

"_Now, I'm sure you're used to cleaning up after the mutt, so this is basically the same thing," Seto Kaiba explained as they walked around the office complex so Serenity could get a better feel for the space. Now that she was paying closer attention, she saw several more 'Big Brother is watching you' signs scattered across the floor. Serenity snapped back to attention just as they neared a counter where a coffee machine sat, bubbling happily. "This," Seto gestured grandly," is the elixir of life." _

_Upon seeing Serenity's puzzled expression, he groaned. "Without coffee, the workers will rebel. It is your job to, no matter what, see to it that there's always coffee in this machine. Got it?"_

_Serenity nodded dumbly. 'What have I gotten myself into?'_

"_You will also be responsible for managing the copier and delivering papers. Get started then. Your day ends when ours does." With that, he left her to assume his position on the balcony above. Then the shouts began. _

"_New Shirley! I need 2 copies of this document made, and deliver one to Mr. Kaiba to sign!" One woman's voice rang out. _

"_I need you to retrieve the marketing proposals from their department and give them to me!" A man ordered. _

"_Why is there no cream and sugar for the coffee?" Someone shrieked. _

_And thus Seto Kaiba had found his entertainment for the afternoon._ _He smiled, and then quickly ran for his heart monitor._

--

"_How… does…she… do this… every day!?" Serenity panted, gulping down water from a paper cone. During that day, she had pushed enough paper to fill the room, stapled her hand to a stack of said paper, and brewed approximately 5 pots of coffee. And when their store ran out, guess who was sent to the Starbucks around the corner? _

_At least, since 3pm she had a charming helper. Mokuba was only too happy to shred paper for her, until he got bored and turned the paper into airplanes instead. And those things could go pretty far when thrown from the balcony. _

"_You actually seemed to do pretty well, what with no experience or warning," Seto Kaiba said, appearing suddenly, eyeing the surrounding area, which was now spotless. "It's impressive."_

"_Why thank you," Serenity replied, surprised. "I just tried my best."_

"_I know," Seto said, and all the workers left in the room visibly flinched at how creepy the CEO came across yet again. "And that's why I want to give you __**this**__!" He reached into the pocket of his trench coat, pulled his hand out, and… nothing. "Damn. I must have left it at the house."_

"_Left…what?" Serenity looked innocently at his hand. Was he going to give Serenity her archetype B back? _

"_Shirley's paycheck. It's yours now, seeing as you did all the work."_

"_Oh no, I couldn't possibly accept—"_

"_You will take it and you will like it—" _

_They squabbled for several minutes before Mokuba's voice cut through, booming as if from a loudspeaker, "Seto, you've got a call. Opportunity is on line 4."_

"_Well, tell them to hold; can't you see I'm busy here?" He turned to Serenity, a devious look in his eyes. "It seems like the only way for you to get the paycheck is to come with us."_

_Serenity stared at him, mind-boggled._

"_To the house."_

--

"_You call_ this _'The House?!'"_

* * *

…_to be continued_…

* * *

Saku: In case you couldn't tell, this was a chapter devoted towards all those fics revolving around workplace shenanigans… but there are some good ones out there. Here's what you can look forward to in the next chapter:

_"It was a dark and stormy night…" _

Kako: That's all you get! Guess what we're going to write about next!

Saku: The next chapter will probably come out right after Polaroids 2 gets finished… that was a joke, people. Expect it when you least expect it! Thanks for reading and review, please!


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